Small Election.

Pilihanraya umum mungkin tak lama aje lagi. Mungkin tahun depan. Tapi lagi nak dekat pilihanraya umum, ada pulak seorang YB yang mati. Kena kat kampung gua pulak tu. So terpaksalah orang kampung bersusah payah untuk menjayakan pilihanraya itu. Tapi di peringkat negeri, Mak Lang gua memang power beb. Tu pasal rumah nenek gua terpilih jadi bilik gerakan. Kesian nenek gua rumah dia nanti ada ramai orang masuk. Tapi best sebab meriah. Mak Lang gua orang kuat UMNO kampung yang tak berapa disukai oleh orang2 atasannya

Alasan?

Entah la ek. Maybe dia seorang janda gigih yang rajin berusaha. Tambah pulak ada anak-anak dan anak-anak sedara (sayalah tu) yang macho, gagah, dan disenangi ramai (saya jugak tu).

Adik-beradik gua dengan sepupu-sepupu gua semuanya kaki takbir malam raya. Kalau tade kitorang sahlah hambar jadinya malam raya itu. Dan kami antara yang boleh harap kat kampung tu. Budak2 lain biasalah, rosak dengan arak, dadah dan sex bebas. Tak sangka budak-budak kampung dahsyat jugak.

Tapi tak semua budak kampung macam tu. Ada yang okay. Ada yang memang boleh harap punya. Cuma gua tak faham, sekampung, separti tapi puak lain2? Ada puak belah hulu dan belah hilir. Dan yang paling pelik sekali, orang yang nak pecah-pecahkan orang kampung ialah ketua UMNO sendiri.

Gua sangat sedih. Sebagai ahli dan penyokong kuat UMNO yang berdaftar dengan UMNO dan SPR, gua rasa, baik takyah masuk UMNO la korang. Buat parti sendiri aje macam ni. Dan gua tak faham, apsal korang kena berkempen kat tempat yang memang semua orang sokong BN. Kalau ada pun yang sokong pembangkang, diorang tak berani undi pembangkang punya sebab nanti confirm bantuan kena tarik. Kertas undi kan nanti ada nombor siri. So lu undi siapa sure diorang tau punya.

Dan dah tentu menang kan? Buat apa nak kempen? Gua memang rasa kempen di tempat yang memang dah semua orang sokong BN adalah buang masa dan merugikan. Sebab apa?

1. Masa ni, orang berpecah kepada click2. Padahal sebelum semua okay aje. Yang ketua, pegi jilat bontot ketua. Yang tidak, buat kerja sendiri. Tak pun, buat click sendiri. Nanti ada click babi, tenggiling, cipan dan sebagainya.
2. Kalau ada orang luar yang datang membantu, pun buat click sendiri, tak join orang tempatan. Orang tempatan ni macam jijik je nampaknya. Diorang tu maknusia jugak, bukannya cicak.
3. Dok berebut duit kempen dan budget. Cukup ke duit nak pasang poster RM1000 je sekampung. Duit tu sure Ketua UMNO dah sapu dulu. Pastu ikut budi bicara dia je berapa nak bagi kan? Kesian tenggiling tak dapat duit.
4. Pasal rumah nak buat bilik gerakan pun nak gaduh. UMNO Melaka minat nak buat rumah yang bapak gua dirikan kat situ untuk dijadikan bilik gerakan. Ada pulak sorang kutu ni cakap, UMNO selangor lebih berminat dengan rumah dia. Tu yang gua tak minat tu. Apa kena mengena Selangor dalam pilihanraya kat Melaka? Gua tau la Selangor bapak angkat UMNO negeri Melaka. Susah tau. Bila melibatkan duit ni.
5. Orang kampung dah mula pecah belah. Tak tegur la apa la. Sepupu gua yang lagi satu tu pun dah tak jejak rumah. Apahal ni? Gua bayar gaji lu suruh tanam serai lu buat keja lain.

Lu olang lihatlah penangan politik kat orang kampung. Gua agak kecewa. Matlamat untuk BN menang memang confirm tercapai. Tapi orang kampung pulak yang pecah-belah dan kecewa dalam diam. Diorang tahu duit banyak keluar. Tapi duit tu tak sampai pun kat diorang. Satu pilihanraya kecil budget banyak jugak tu.

Beginilah rupanya bilik gerakan itu. Kereta gua tu macam bagus aje kan parking kat situ. Bukan apa. Kereta gua baru je basuh. Sayang beb kalau kena panas atau hujan. Nanti kotor balik, lu nak tolong cuci ke?

Tu lah dia. Patutnya bilik gerakan memalam penuh. Disebabkan dek fahaman yang berbeza dan berpuak-puak, inilah bilik gerakan yang kosong pada waktu malam. Mana pernah bilik gerakan kosong masa pilihanraya?

Pastu ada pulak yang bukak rumah lain untuk aktiviti kepolitikan seperti untuk pasang poster, bagi makan kat orang ramai. Yang si ketua pun datang tak pernahnya nak hulur apa2 pn. Dia kan dah dapat duit daripada pihak atas. Takpun, sebagai ketua, keluar la duit sikit. Beli milo ke, bawak kuih ke bila datang bilik gerakan. Ni tidak. Buat kotor keter gua aje pegang-pegang belek keter gua yang cun tu.

Ni lah dia. Nak pilihanraya je, lampu semua habis pasang. Setiap tiang lampu habis dipasangnya. Gila hipokrit. Lepas pilihanraya sure cabut balik. Sape nak bayar bil letrik tu? Orang kampung bukannya kaya. Takkan gua nak tolong bayar. Cipan pun gua tak terbagi makan.

Banyak sangat hipocracy dalam kehidupan ni. Gua rasa, cukuplah lampu2 yang sedia ada. Logikla sikit. Orang kampung pun tau. Mementangla orang kampung gua tu tak terkenal. Sebut Kemuning tak tau. Sebut Gadek ke, Hutan Percha ke, tau pulak. Siot je.

Baru satu bangsa tu. Cemana la Malaysia nak maju macam ni.

Walau cemana pun, gua tetap UMNO yang sungguh BN. Kalau gua cine, gua MCA. Kalau India gua MIC. Jangan lupa sejarah beb yang sungguh perikatan itu. Masa itu babi masih belum glamour macam gilmore girls.

Majulah rakyat untuk membeli BMW.

Are you a monkey.. and lonely?

If you are, this is definitely a very good news for you. We're here to help!

In the recent study, there were a lot of horny and lonely monkey on the planet. Even the National Geographics has documented historical events of the destructions caused by the those horny and lonely monkeys all over the world.

These include the Tsunami in Acheh, Indonesia back in 2004. It was told that all the lonely monkey all over the world had jumped into the sea and made a giant chain of monkeys and waved themselves in the sea till they die. They have no idea that their wave actually caused Tsunami to Acheh, Indonesia.

On the recent issue, The President of America, Banana Ape Bush said,

"Stupid hungry for banana apes. They should have been hanged over the banana trees. Or maybe the mangosteen can do. Oh yeah, Mango tasted very nice with peanut butter"

So what's the good news?

Monkeys at the Monkey Personals has pioneered themselves into the Information Technology and came up with the latest and the best dating site for all monkey. Started business in May 2006 and going strong!

Been ranked number one for almost a year, it is aproved as a good runaway from the quiet and mosquitoeful jungle, as in here, you may find your true love in just a click away!

You may submit your personal profile for free but it will only be published upon approval by the moderator monkeys. You may stay informed by submitting your email in the Stay informed page, as to be informed for any updates.

Just a click away! The Monkey Personals!

Why can't we live harmoniously?

I was so sad looking at this. What's going on there? Why should they do that? What's in their mind? Frakkkkk!

This is not THE WAY LIFE SHOULD BE anymore!

As i was browsing the blogshares, i found this blog http://ah-hoong(dot)blogspot(dot)com. I took this clip from there as well as he pointed to the merdeka review website for more info regarding this case.

What do you guys have in mind? This should never happened right? I'm not suggesting this but the cancer of hating people from other roots are just pre-implanted in everybody's mind and heart. This is not only happening in Malaysia, but all other countries in the world. Babi don't discriminate. Babi even let other guys to fuck their couple.

And I'm pretty sure you guys knew how bad the westerners treated the moslems entrying their country. Babi okay. Hehe. Tak kena tahan.

I was educated to befriend with whoever jua. Be nice to everyone pun. My father was growing up within the indian community, and no wonder why he can speak tamil a lil bit. I myself was going to the chinese kindergarten. When I was 5, i can still remember my 2 best friends, which were 2 chinese twin girls who were always hide behind me when they're afraid of anything. Even though we were like duck and chicks, i think we have mutual understanding of anything we do. And I wonder where they are now, as if they're still around, we might be a good threesome partners.. :p Yeehaaaa.. swooosh!

Then I went to a temporary ordinary school before going into the boarding school. I befriended with a lot of indian and chinese friends there. I still remembered there were 2 flocks of naughty indian boys who were not so ngam with each other but i mixed them both very well. And I had a one-month experimental chinese girlfriend. Well, those chinese boys persuaded me and i managed to get a gift from her, the day before i left. A small heart-shaped pillow. Pink Karer!

Even now, I have a lot of good chinese friends here and there. When I was in the college, there's one bright malay student, who would never lemme copy his work but a 4.0 pointer chinese student, RAPHAEL, who was honoured to let me copy his work, and he provided me more than what i just needed. My deejay buddy, Nanthakumar, obviously an indian, who was so kind to lemme use his motorbike anytime I want it. Call him up and he came over to pick me up, send him back home and lemme use the bike. After that, i pick him up, he sent me back and he ride the bike home. Wasn't that nice? You think easy to get such a very nice friend like that mah? Potong kuku la!

And I secretly had an indian girlfriend for maybe 3 weeks hahaha?

Now, most of my customers and partners are chinese. The contractors are also chinese. Sadly, I was conned by a malay guy, twice, by the same person. It was my nature to hope and giving people chances but it's okay, the god is greatly fair! Ada lori ada bas, ada hari tuhan akan balas. But i pray that god will just bless these people with His shrine to see what are the right things and not. Do u know, babi also berdoa?

I believe, if we be nice to people, people will treat you much better. If they don't, I don't care as I don't really mind. The world is not ideally round. Bolasepak is also not perfecly round. That's why beckham's free kick didn't get into the goal, u know?

Not to mention that there are no good malay people, but this racism thingy is just ridiculous. Sometimes it's just hypes and you were getting carried away with ridiculous reasonings and causes, thus, you let those immature unreasonable hatred taking over your rational sanity. I still got good friends like farok, hemsem, cop, omen, ter, taiko, lego, saaieenan and so many more. These are real friends. Live and dead. Manusia dan hantu. But more to kawan2 hantu dan syaitan! Hehehe.

Can we just sit down, relax, chill, frozen and think, what do we really get from hating each other? Even hating babi won't do you any good. Babi is tak bersalah in this matter. Babi hanya haram. But babi is just another God's masterpiece. What would you feel if someone disliked the syrup you made at the kitchen? Same thing right? Same thing. You hate other races, means you hated god's creation too. God is surely mad towards you. You'll go to hell u know or not? And you won't be seeing babi in hell. I think they are going to hellven. Something like oven also. Maybe in the heaven, we can already eat babi at that time. Hahahaha, that's why they go to hellven. They grill it just like at the kenny roger's and we ordered either quarter or half. Nice kan? Then got mushroom gravy. Slurrpp!

So, please guys. I just want to live in peace and harmony. Tell your kids not to discriminate people. Put yourself in their position. How would you feel. Can we just be nice to everyone we see? And tell them, babi is tak bersalah.

Even the religion says no to discrimination. Why should we?

Say no to racism and discrimination! Babism different. Only me can. You cannot!

Blogshare and Real Life Share

What?

It's a game with missions and money. They called B$ or blog dollar.

I've into a few missions which require me to do a few things; one of it is to write something about this blog, FINANZA.

The blog is a blog written in italy. The blog tell mostly about financial and investments. This is purely a blog about economics. It has reported in detail of the propects of a company, of which the stocks that he or his colleague to invest.

I was wondering if we have such kind of blog with all the details. Now is the tech era, but at what percentage the technology is being utilized as the medium to deliver the information.

I believe the link above is owned by someone who is heavily investing in the stock market or any investment fund or maybe a broker or something like that that I may not know. Why can't someone shared the same thing?

Our stock marketplace can be considered very small compared to theirs and I don't understand why should we keep this market so isolated and closed. If these information can be shared publicly like what this guy is doing, I think most of us will not only writing blog when we're in front of the PC, but we'll also be monitoring the shares that we've been investing in. Even the value of the share trnsaction is small, but imagine the high volume of the transactions?

These big number of small investor can actually control the market if they unite in making decisions and control the market. So we can actually deny the domination of the main players in the market. Why can't we?

Not like this one friend of mine, sitting in front the PC monitoring his soccer bet. Hahahaha!

Duh!

* Oh yeah, I'm 'invisibling' some of the links and concentrating on the links who links back to me as i'm trying to value up my blog as well as theirs in the blogshare game. So those who were listed but now u don't, lemme know once u added me in your links and the link to your blog will reappear again I promise. I'm not being funny but just a plain fair. Those who linked to me but also not being listed in here please lemme know as well.

For the game!

THREE (3)

Hehehe... It's tuesday and i managed to watch 3 movies last week.

First, I watched the pursuit of happyness. Yeah it's true, it was spelt happyness. In that movie, happiness was spelt happyness at this one daycare center.

Two inspiring black movies consecutively. Some people say it was a slow movie but i just love it. The slowness of the movie had enabled me to look at every aspect and to better understood the whole thing.

I love the part when he cried when he got the job. It was so worth it.

And f*ck that stupid wife! Why female are always like that huh?

Secondly, it watched Mukhsin. I cannot stop laughing at all the gestures displayed especially in the beginning of the movie. To be able to understand more about the movie, it is advised to watch Sepet and Gubra first, even though I didn't watch the Sepet movie, but Gubra would be enough to explain it all.

Yasmin Ahmad made the movie so simple that actually you wouldn't have to know any connection between Mukhsin and both pre-sequels. For me, it's just another first love story that I myself would love to share to you guys.

I would disagree Orked avoiding Mukhsin after the incident during the Galah Panjang game but wouldn't it be obviously weird for a boy to hug a girl like that? As from my own experience, I've never encountered such incident. Boys and girls are very shy to each other.

And Mukhsin should have not done that too. Bodoh la kau mukhsin, kalau tak, sure dah dapat bini lawa. Takyahla si Adlin Aman Ramli dapat dia.. hehehe..

Confusions when Jason and Orked appeared when they're about to play the kites.

Jason tu masa kekecik gemuk rupanya. Hahahaha!

And the third one was the movie "300". A movie about a bunch of Spartans of Greek who believe they're the descendants of Hercules, and how corruption has actually penetrated the society since long time ago and how the bureaucracy has slow down the process of everything.

The message is clear until at the end of the movie, it is much clearer that the movie was named 300. Anyway, the imagination towards the persian's king and it's army were quite were quite an exxageration.

The 300 that brought glory for them.

Adakah saya seorang yang hina?

Saya sudah penat menjadi seorang yang keji. Saya sudah beberapa kali menjadi seorang yang maha keji sejak saya lahir. Nasib baik saya belum jadi babi. Saya boleh menjadi babi jika saya mahu tapi sudah tentu babi tidak suka saya menjadi babi sebab sure dia takleh cari makan punya lepas ni. Tapi saya takleh bayangkan saya dihina dengan keji. Sioooooooot!

Saya juga cuba menjadi monyet. Saya suka panggil adik saya si Farah itu monyet. Keji tak? Keji tak? Tapi memang best kalau perempuan semua macam monyet. Ada je idea gua nak usik orang yang dipanggil monyet. Melintas jalan beramai-ramai macam monyet pun boleh. Buat bunyik monyet pun boleh. Menggaru2 kepala macam monyet pun boleh. Saya ni memang keji dan berbakat dalam hal-hal membuli orang atau monyet. Jika ada yang lebih power, sila tunjuk ajar.

Sebenarnya, bagus jadi monyet ni korang tau tak? Sebab2nya;

1. Monyet kuat sex. Anggaran 100x sehari. Bawah kereta pun jadik. Keji giler.
2. Kalau takut aje dia panjat pokok. Kalau dia nampak babi pun dia lari panjat pokok. Takyah susah-susah beli rumah, perabot dan pasang astro. Kalau nak tengok citer blue, tengok aje monyet2 lain main. LIVE!
3. Takyah susah2 nak pakai baju. Takyah bagi duit beli kasut atau baju. Nak main pun senang.
4. Nak makan, langgar aje kebun orang kampung. Lumayan. Kalau untung boleh dapat ubi. Nak lagi untung boleh dapat pisang. Takde pisang, nenas pun berguna! Takde nenas, serai aku pun dia belasah!!! Habis serai aku! Keji ahhhh!!!! Tolong...!
5. Anak seratus pun takpe. Sebab tak payah pegi sekolah. So takyah beli baju sekolah, buku sekolah dan takyah bayar tambang bas/van atau buku sekolah.
6. Tak payah kerja. Hehehe. Nak main anytime. Tido pun anytime.

Gue dah malas fikir apa nak tulis lagi. Reason2 dia merapu2 aje.

Sebab apa saya telah dihina dengan kejinya ala-ala cipan gitu? Sebab saya telah terkena dengan kawan saya. Siot punya kawan perempuan. Kentut bau air battery + jus markisa + telur orang utan!

Sebabnya, masa tu dia sedang sakit perut nak berak. Sebagai seorang wanita melayu yang control ayu tapi tak jelita langsung dan memakai tudung, surelah dia control giler sambil memberitahu saya semasa di kedai buku itu yang dia nak balik sekarang tanpa memberitahu apakah yang sebenarnya going on. Tapi bila tengok dia pegang2 perut tu, hari nurani saya yang mulia, murni dan suci bersih itu telah dapat mengagak yang wanita keji itu mahu ke tandas, whether period pain or to berak!

Sebagai seorang manusia yang adil dan saksama tetapi pada masa yang sama kejam dan keji serta bersahabat dengan tenggiling, saya pun berlari2 untuk cepat ke tandas demi menjaga hati, jiwa dan perasaan gadis yang nak berak itu. Dia punyalah berjalan dengan perlahannya sambil berkata dengan controlnya,

"pelan-pelan la sikit, tau la nak berak".

Aik, sape yang nak berak ni? Punyala saya berlari dan tunggu dia berjalan slow2 dalam lift, kononnya nak cepat la ni. Tenggiling pun kalah dengan kelajuan saya. Bleh dia cakap macam tu? Kami pun masuk ke dalam lift. Tapi aku pun pelik, apsal awek aje semua dalam lift tu. Rezeki la ni kot..! Hahahahahaha...!

Tiba2 ada bunyik angin macam bunyik angin keluar dari belon yang tengah deflate, yang sungguh kuat memecah kebuntuan lift! Pret!

Sah! Dia kentut. Tapi yang hinanya...

"Patutla lari2 nak masuk lift. Nak kentut rupanya mamat ni. Muka je hemsem", kata seekor gajah kat dalam lift tu. Siot!

Aku pulak yang kena tuduh. Awek2 lain yang ada antaranya agak cun, ada jugak yang gemuk macam gajah, semua tengok aku sambil tutup hidung dengan jari. Gajah itu adalah awek yang gemok macam gajah itulah.

Pastinya aku merasa sungguh si*l sekali. Babi pun tak pernah kena hina macam ni. Adakah saya patut mendedahkan perkara yang sebenarnya? Saya belum sekeji itu lagi.

Awek keji yang kentut itu berjalan keluar lift buat muka tak tau, sambil meninggalkan satu lagi bau kentut di dalam lift yang penuh dengan orang dan gajah seekor. Gajah tu keji sebab muka dia sebijik macam muka gajah tercekik tebu masa saya nak keluar dari lift itu. Nasib baik babi baru tercekik bijik nangka. Teruk jugak tu.

Semua orang pekup hidung sambil buat muka orang jepun tertelan bijik durian sambil pandang kat gua.

Tak puas hati beb. Takpe kau. Aku ingat!!!!

* She's not my girlfriend lah. Awek ini adalah seorang kakak kerani yang jaga tender di sebuah govt. department. I took her our for lunch. So actually guys, every girls deserved to be called awek. Even though she's as old as 49, like this kakak. So it's just another story I'm sharing, for you to laugh at it. Ok?

SMS Vote :: Raja Lawak

Raja lawak taklah lawak sangat tapi bila tengok final punya show, boleh tahan jugak diorang tu. Most people find it stupid, and that most people includes me in the very beginning.

Well jokes are consumable once u're into their line. Just like everybody loves raymond, I was totally dumbed when I watch it first time. After sometimes, anything they do even the gestures will make me crazy.

My favourite is always Johan as i think that his jokes has always made sense to me but this round, he was totally lost. Tauke was seriously 'macam celaka' when his news contains sad news and horror news. You should watch if you wanna know as those with astro should switch to Ria to watch the replay of the final episode.

That old man from Kelantan tickled me when he sang the ABC song. I was like wondering what he's gonna sing next, but I don't expect him to sing ABC with that hillarious manner. Previously the partner sang the 1-2-3 song.

Well, The Raja Lawak, Yus deserved his winnings. Dia orang susah yang sangat berbakat.

So i wish him a lot of luck in his career, and i'd like to quote some of the things he said.

"Burger apa yang paling happy sekali... teeet masa habis"
-bergembira.

"Demam apa yang paling takut sekali"
-The Mummy

"Kenapa budak kecik air liur dia meleleh"
-Sebab dia takleh meludah

* And from taiko, con air means kontut air.

JB hari ini..

Saya bangun agak lewat hari ni. Memang lewat sangatlah. Sebabnya, saya rasa badan saya sakit-sakit. Sakit apa tak tau lah saya. Tapi memang sakit lah. Kalau nak tolehkan kepala ke kanan rasa macam nak putus urat kat tengkuk tu. Tapi sebenarnya taklah sakit sangat, tapi kesakitan tengkuk tu membuatkan saya jadi malas nak bangun sehinggalah saya lihat jam dah pukul 9.30.

Mandi, pegi bank, jumpa mechanic, pegi bank dan akhirnya nak pegi ke Landmark Mall. Nak ambil laptop adik saya yang rosak tapi tidak boleh diperbaiki lagi. On the way ke sana, alamak jammed pulak. Bosan. Polis ada kat depan tahan semua kereta daripada masuk ke jalan besar sebab nampaknya macam ada perarakan.

"Bang, apsal takleh lalu bang, saya nak berak ni, tak tahan dah ni, tolong bang...", saya cuba mengacah abang polis itu.

"Aahh engkau, ada-ada aje. Berak la kat tepi jalan tu," jawab abang polis.

"Terima kasih bang" lalu saya keluar kereta dan berjalan ke arah bawah pokok sambil bukak seluar.

Ko percaya ke?

Ridiculous siot! Dah sah-sah aku membohong. Takkanla aku nak berak tepi jalan kot? Anyway, tak lama lepas tu, kereta2 semua dah macam nak merusuh melepasi sekatan jalan polis. Saya berada di depan sekali dengan ke-empat-empat tingkap saya terbuka luas. Takut kantoi cermin gelap.

Tiba-tiba polis2 start motor dan blah. Apa lagi saya pun memecut laju menaiki Landmark Mall. Sampai di atas, saya terus turun ke bawah untuk melihat perarakan tersebut. Dapatlah saya ambil gambar dengan handphone N73 saya itew.


Mamat berbaju biru :: Makcik ni nampak cun aaa.. Boleh berkenalan tak?
Makcik itu :: Hish geli la mamat ni.
Mamat Berbaju putih :: Jangan berebut-rebut. Jangan memotong garisan...


Mamat A (Berbaju merah kuning) :: Manala budak-budak naga ni. Apsal diorang ni asyik hilang aje. Taula aku pakai jersi selangor. Takkan takut kot???


Budak-budak bawak naga :: Lari-lari. Ada orang cari kita....


Mamat terkiri :: Panasnya. Menyesal join mende alah ni. Tido lagi bagus.
Mamat tengah :: Sayalah Polis Angkasa Gaban. Sila beri tunjuk ajar..
Mamat kanan :: Mesti aku hensem. Kalau tak takkan abang izham ambil gambar aku...!


Pakcik yang di depan tu kelihatan berjalan dengan sangat lajunya. Mungkin dia dah terkucil sedikit atau terkincit. Saya tidak sempat mengambil gambarnya dari belakang.


Minah kat kiri :: Sedang head banging mengikut rentak gendang
Minah kat tengah :: Definitely sakit perut. Possibilities ; period pain, nak kentut, nak kencing atau nak berak.
Mamat kat kanan :: Saya sedang menghensemkan diri, sila ambil gambar.
2 ekor singa di belakang :: Kami lapar!


Singa kiri :: Aku nampak buah oren
Singa kanan :: Aku nampak kamera. Eh kamera ke handphone eh? Ah lantak lah! Aku tak kira aku nak juga!


Singa itu sedang dalam perjalanannya memakan handphone saya. Sebab itulah penggambaran saya tamat di situ sahaja.

Sekian Terima Kasih.

Yang Benar,

BOB.

Dreamgirls

I wonder why not so many people went to watch movie on Wednesday here in Johor Bahru. -sigh- Wednesday is supposed to be the movie day right? Well, after quite sometime not been visiting cinemas, i dropped by the Jusco Tebrau today, after deciding I've nowhere to go before presenting myself in a meeting sometime at 8.30 just now.

And I'm back home now, not so tired, but eager enough to share how I feel during the movie, you know what 'um saying?

It's obviously clear to me why this movie was lifted up to be nominated in the oscar and academy awards. The movie was just lovely, mwahs!

For a pure soully music lover (like me), I just need it. It's a simple movie as the storyline is not that complicated, as it's just a typical Afro-American carrer built-up movie and I normally wouldn't go for such a musical movie but why this one?

1. It's Beyonce.
2. Afro-American musical? Remember how good the movie, RAY was?
3. The all of a sudden 'BIG' Jennifer Hudson.

Nothing that can beat my adoration towards Beyonce who was so admiringly sweet in the movie. She's a bit thin, i think so? Because the b**bs were smaller? And not that whatever licious-licious anymore?

This is the first time i hated Jamie Foxx in the movie, especially with that stupid hair style. Hahaha. And I knew he's gonna be a jerk since the beginning. Well, it's not him that I'm gonna talk about.

I'm gonna talk about Jennifer Hudson. She's BIG! Uhm, yeah she's big, in the matter of size but she's just big! That song of you, you, you and you reminded me about one of this year's Americal Idol Contestant (someone who's not less big than her) sang the same song, in a very lovely way, just like her.

Jennifer Hudson is just BIG! I love everything about her! The voice, the singing.

She sang so heartily that I shed my tears everytime she sang. Oh lovely! Everytime she sang, her voice thrusted deep into my heart that she actually asked me be there, to share whatever she feel inside her.

And no wonder she won that Supporting Actress Award. She's just fucking deserved it.

Where's Simon Crowell?

* I RATE :: 4.1/5

EarthQuake :: 2nd Shag from the Earth?

Situation in KL

I have just called Shima in KL (to be exact Technology Park, Bukit Jalil) asking is she doing alright. Just after we hanged up, she messaged me in YM saying that she just had felt it. The 3-storey building was like moving to the left and right. This time it was shaking longer.

Situation in JB

As soon as shima lemme know about the tremor, I called Lin (MAA Tower, JB) a few times but failed. Later, i managed to call her and saying that she was evacuating the building just now and heading home.

She said this time is worse than before. It was obvious that lamp are heavily shaking. I suspected the quake is either at least 7 richter on scale or it is much nearer to JB. I myself felt a lil bit of dizziness.

As write this report, the eartquake page is yet updated.

* 2nd Quake Update *

It is reported that a magnitude of 6.1 Richter Scale earthquake has been detected at 0.62South and 100.51East position at 13:49:29 at GMT+8 time. Please refer HERE for further information.

It was about 2 hours difference from each quake. Might it be another quake within the next 2 hours?

It is advised that tall building are to be evacuated. Anything could happen.

** 3rd Quake Updates **

A weak earthquake has occurred with these revised parameters:

Time of Occurrence : 5.50pm GMT+8on 6 March 2007
Coordinates : 0.6 North 101.2 East
Location : Northern Sumatera. 22km west of Pekanbaru, Indonesia, 219km southwest of Melaka.
Magnitude : 4.4 on Richter scale

Tthis information is grabbed from Jabatan Meteorologi Malaysia. This information has not been updated in USGS EarthQuake Hazard page yet.

*** 4th Quake Update ***

Time of Occurrence : 8.53pm GMT+8on 6 March 2007
Coordinates : 0.287 South 100.605 East
Location : 80 km (50 miles) NNE of Padang, Sumatra, Indonesia, 130 km (80 miles) SW of Pekanbaru, Sumatra, Indonesia, 395 km (245 miles) SSW of KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia, 945 km (580 miles) NW of JAKARTA, Java, Indonesia
Magnitude : 4.9 on Richter scale

**** 5th Quake Update ****

Time of Occurrence : 11.22 pm GMT+8 on 6 March 2007
Coordinates : 0.4 South 100.7 East
Location : Southern Sumatra. Centre of earthquake 56km Northeast of Padang, Indonesia, 343km Southwest of Melaka.
Magnitude : 4.3 on Richter scale

***** 6th Quake Update *****

Time of Occurrence : 12.23 am GMT+8on 7 March 2007
Coordinates : 1.6 South 99.7 East
Location : Near Southern Sumatra. Centre of earthquake 120km southwest of Padang, Indonesia, 516km southwest of Malacca.
Magnitude : 5.1 on Richter scale

EarthQuake :: Is the world shagging....?

As I came out from the bank, i headed home and all of a sudden i remembered that I missed a few issues of my favourite comic, RAJA RIMBA.

Went there, and sadly they informed me that the past 2 issues were sold out. FRUST!

Then I paid for the latest issue and walked to my car. I started my engine, switch on the air-cond and started reading.

Suddenly, I feel like someone is shaking my car. I looked around. Nobody's around. Is my Frontier's engine shaking that much? After sometimes, it stopped. Damn, the car was shaking like someone is jumping at the back cabin.

I headed home, suspected nothing when I've got an sms from Lin,

"Bangunan ofis shaking! Ada gempa kat mane2 ker? Kene turun tangga dr tingkat 19 lar. Penat! Takut pun yer gax"

Damn. I'm at home now. Still waiting for any breaking news either on TV or Internet. As for now, still NULL.

* Latest Update from Yahoo Messenger.

karmaalmitra: An earthquake was detected at 11:49am, 6 Mar 2007 in SOUTHERN SUMATRA, approximately 430km from Singapore. The magnitude of the earthquake is 6.6 on the Richter scale. The epicentre is located at latitude 0.4 South and longitude 100.4 East.

* Earthquakes report snapshots

(the report snapshot taken from http://earthquake.usgs.gov/)
The report on the latest earthquake around the world can be obtained HERE

Smoke or not to smoke....

Sape sini tak hisap rokok? Baguslah sebab jika anda hisap rokok, jika boleh, GHONTI- ANLAH!

Seperti kata bapak kepada suami adik saya merangkap biras kepada adik ipar saya,

"Kalau takdo lapan puluh ghibu, jangan la kau ngado-ngado nak isap ghokok"

That RM80,000 is for the bypass operation. Hahahaha!

Gua pun hisap rokok jugak beb. Dulu siap pernah jadi issue dengan ada satu awek yang agak macam bagus (tapi memang bagus pun.... slurrppp), dia tak suka gua hisap rokok. For the sake of the relationship, I just told her that I stopped smoking. I was Hypocrite, wasn't I?

She told me that her beloved uncle died of lung cancer a few years back ago (and I believed that) so she didn't want to lose me like how she lose her uncle (and I ate that too).

Hek elleh.. Last last kantoi dia pun isap rokok. Yang melebihkan kantoi lagi, dia isap rokok gudang garam lak tu. Patutla satu hari tu tudung dia berlubang. I told her that it looks like the burning from the ashes of gudang garam's cigarette but she told me it was from ironing.

One day, someone crashed onto her and her bag dropped to the floor. All of he things inside plus three smuggled packs (with the Indonesian warning printing at the side) of gudang garam nicely dropped on my shoes and she selamba cipan je told me that those were her friend's. I ducked down and picked up a seasoned used up cricket lighter and smiled. KANTOI!

Being someone who can accept everything finely (chewah), I was okay and after that, we enjoyed smoking together until i decided that I wasn't that hypocrite. She's been a liar for the whole of her life and I couldn't live with that.

And recently, after been smoking for more than 20 years, for the first time of my life, my father kantoied me smoking red handed in Penang. The whole family went up to get a rest when I was smoking at the Hotel's lobby waiting for my brother in law to pick me up. Suddenly my father appeared from nowhere telling me that he's gonna follow us out to buy things and my mom is also going.

I blew my last puff as he finished talking and threw away my just-lighted-up cigarette to the longkang when i saw my mom's coming.

That was the success story of me hiding the truth from my father for the more than 20 years. A record maybe? Who else?

Oh yeah, i started smoking when I was 9.

Talking about success, this is another smoking success story.

Alkisahnya labih dari 10 tahun yang lalu, di suatu sekolah berasrama penuh yang budak2nya selalu tak penuh sebab kena buang sekolah atau pegi fly keluar sekolah. Sekumpulan budak-budak sedang berkongsi menghisap rokok di dalam bulatan, di mana setiap orang hanya dibenarkan pam sekali aje. Sekali tengok bila diorang hisap rokok tak pakai baju tu, macam cipan pun ada. Babi kurang hensem sikit aje dari diorang ni.

Kalau hisap lelebih, jotos aje kepala dia. Maklumlah, rokok tengah kering. Nak pegi beli pun malas. Nak pau pun malas. Taujela bebudak asrama, semuanya pemalas. Kalau boleh berak pun nak suruh junior cebokkan. Punyala pemalas. Babi kalau nampak diorang pun istighfar panjang. Cemana istighfar panjang? Cuba buat sikit? Istighfarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! Babi cakap, aku pun cebok sendiri tau.

So, bila dah habis isap rokok, diorang pun berehat sambil menikmati kepeningan dari isap rokok secara pam panjang2 dan berbual-bual. Benda apa yang diorang bualkan pun tak tau la tapi banyak gelak la kan. Tiba-tiba, pintu dorm pun terbuka dari luar dan kelihatan kelibat suatu lembaga, macam cipan sikit sebab dia tinggi. Babi rendah.

"Kamu hisap rokok yer?", warden rupa-rupanya yang bertanya.

"Eh tak tak tak, mana ada....!" Diorang menjawab beramai-ramai sambil kelam kabut kunyah chewing gum. Ada sorang budak ni takde apa-apa nak dikunyah.

"Ok, semua orang dalam bilik ni bangun, berdiri setengah di tengah bilik." warden memberi arahan dengan suara kecil yang macam tenggiling itu.

Jadi, semua orang dalam bilik diarahkan beratur di tengan-tengah bilik. Yang tido pun kena jotos kat kepala untuk sama-sama berjemaah berdiri setengah. Berdiri setengah ni adalah berdiri dengan kaki dibengkokkan separuh dan tangan didepakan ke hadapan macam mat rempit merempit atas motosikal.

"Jangan berebut, ikut giliran masing-masing, kanak-kanak pun tahun undang-undang." pesan warden itu, tak ubah seperti iklan kemalangan jalanraya dalam TV.

"Awak ingat awak boleh tipu saya?" Warden tu rasa haritu dia pandai. Yelah, cikgu lain bau mulut tapi kalau makan chewing gum terlepas la kan.

"Bak sini tangan."

*sniff* dia cium bau tangan dan jari budak2 tu. *sniff*

*Pang* (bunyik kena tampar)

"Isap rokok, ke tepi, ni takde pegi tido, next *pang*, isap jugak...." dan seterusnya...

Warden tu rasa dia bijak malam ni. Pasti ramai yang akan di hadapkan ke pengetua. Tapi, dalam ramai-ramai budak tu, ada sorang mamat ni yang bijak mengalahkan cipan. Maksudnya, dia cipan yang terbijak antara banyak-banyak cipan dalam dorm tu.

"Kamu, *pang* ke tepi.. Kamu, pegi tido, kamu pulak... hmmmmhhh" warden berpaling ke belakang dan mendengus2..

*PANGGGGGGGGGGGG!*

"Ini bau TAIKKKKKKKKKK!"

Pelajar yang bijak itu telah mengorek bontotnya untuk menghilangkan bau rokok.

Success tak story ni? Hehehe..

* hina siot cikgu tu cium bau bontot student dia. Thanx nyahce & gulong for the story.

6 perkara pelik tentang saya

6 weird things about me

I was tagged by Diva. Hehehe.. Takpe takpe.

1. Mengantuk yang sangat extreme masa driving. Drive selaju 180KM/H pun masih boleh tertido. Tapi kalau drive perlahan, sambil menikmati pemandangan, tak ngantuk pulak. Dan kalau panas pun selalu mengantuk.

2. Suka cium bau2 yang busuk sikit atau bacin. Apsal tah. Best sangat agaknya. Kalau gf yang bau-bau busuk sikit tu pun best. Tapi bukan bau masa period atau bau ketiak yang sungguh bawang. Kadang suka jugak cium bau ketiak sendiri. Bukan suka tapi nak check busuk ke tidak. Mungkin juga anda pernah bau telur (utk lelaki sahaja) anda sendiri? Hehehehe. Bau kaki pun kadang2 boleh melegakan kepala yang berat macam badak air.

3. Kalau boleh nak tido bogel tapi susahla kan. Dulu2 masa sekolah asrama, my mom made me a blanket yang boleh sarung macam guni. So hari2 bogel dalam tu. Confirm takleh terlucut punya. Sekarang susahla, hari2 my little sister will jump on me waking me up.

4. I love anything about cooking. I'd love to guess how a dish was cooked, what were the ingredients and so on. And i'm freakingly like to comment on other's cooking. And I do think I don;t mind having someone who cannot cook to be my wife as I myself can cook. Not as good as my mom tapi boleh lah!

5. Saya memang kurang ajar. I'm a reckless driver but precautious with safety. Saya mencilok2 di jalan raya dengan memberi signal terlebih dahulu. Saya akan beri jalan kepada orang yang memberi signal untuk masuk ke jalan saya. Tapi kalau tak bagi signal, saya akan cuba langgar dia sikit. Biar dia tau. Tak belajar serviks langsung. Serviks ke siviks ah? Kalau nak bawah 180km/h kat tetengah KL, nyalakanlah lampu kecemasan. Betul tak? Saya juga pernah dikenali sebagai seorang yang boleh mencarut dan memaki hamun selama 10 minit tanpa henti. Anda boleh? Ada seorang aje yang boleh. Dia adalah Pengawas Dorm saya yang bernama Raimie Moljono. Dia adalah tok guru kepada segala kejahatan dan kekurang-ajaran saya selama ini. Hahahaha!

6. Saya suka ubah style rambut walaupun rambut saya tidak flexible. Tujuannya, nak nampak baik atau jahat, Nak nampak pandai ke bodoh, atau nak nampak buruk atau pun hensem, di mana kebanyakannya nampak buruk ajelah (ngaku ajelah kan). Baru je semalam kena kutuk dengan mak sedara muka saya macam anak lotong. Ada ke....?

So this tag goes to; Taiko, Farok, Jojoe, Fidaz, Fara No 'H", dan Nadya-S. Sila sila naik ke pentas..

Programmer Urgently Wanted

Achtung wa sahlan!

Anybody with IT/CS certification hunting for good job with good pay and good boss?

There's an opening in EDS, a former workplace of mine which will be taken directly by my ex-boss.

Only for human. Babi please back off. Cipan also please move aside.

I'm highly recomending this job. Everything is good. And EDS is an international company. Halal. No babi.

Send your resume or queries to me; mohamad.izham(at)gmail.com.

TQ.

***********

Bobby and everyone,

As long as your can program, training will be provided.

Preferrable if you know GLOBUS, MUREX and Java + XML so in real life, who has all that except for me? Hehehe.

It's open to everyone! As long as you're a programmer!