December 5, 2006


Cinta = Love

...which definitely something that I'm not able to express it ever here, but it's really something that has changed me into a different person.

I must admit that I'm not quite a strong person by myself. Love is something like the positive-negative charges that are surrounding us.

Even with this blog, when the charges are balance between us, I will sit hours on it.

When I was small, the positive-negative charges were all from the family around me. My grandmother, my mom, father and my aunts. I have yet received any of those charges from my siblings as they always see as someone who will always make their life hard.

Yeah, it's true. I can actually make anyone's life in trouble. At least at that time. Or maybe now? Haha..

When I grew older, furthermore that I was schooling at the residential school, the positive-negative charges has scattered all around. They have no dedicated defined destination to go as some people would believe that it will last but some people would just take it as part of the fun being at school.

During this time, I don't really care about what's going on at home. I don't know why. My positive-negative charges seems to be losing. And it even doesn't have its power. I love nothing. I only love myself.

When I came out of that boarding school, then I started to live at home again. There, I picked up the movement of the positive-negative charges again. Most of the love have been becoming obligations to the family. I thought I have found a right person in school, but the charges didn't stick strong enough for me to be patient, as to determine the destination of the love story I had in school.

As I went to college, it took me almost 4 years for my positive-negative charges to roam around looking for someone who I can exchange my charges with. The love was very strong at first, but as I gone through things day by day, it has not strengthen me instead.

People will see me as a very strong person at the outside but I'm a person who is afraid of losing. I've heard of a saying, If you love her let her go. It's definitely something that I cannot accept. She had became stronger while I was left behind in sorrow. I was ina very bad shape that everyone knows that I should actually be fired from the job.

I moved forward, switched job and i just let my positive-negative charges to mingle and wander around. I was very close with the boss at that time, Rosli and being around him is enough to compensate the lacking of the charges exchange between me and girls. Rosli is a very good companion. He managed to twist my mind, to actually think that love are not that important, as if for me, because he thinks that I'm not strong enough to handle emotional twists. He's a lot true. My friend, Chili, who has been my best companion going to the clubs last time thought of the same way. He has always think that a girlfriend will screw me up and make my life bitter. It's way true man. I had a lot of affairs but it ends up nowhere as I don't actually believe in it. I don't feel good at it.

I still do not know what I'm doing with my life but I moved on, and even quit my job to stay with my parents in JB. The obligations has now converted back to love. I feel the love everywhere. The shrined loves from my parents heart has made me a strong person. I have enough positive-negative charges in me that made me a very much stronger person. It was all balanced up, I was very healthy, cheerful and happy.

Until this one day, I've met someone that when I saw her, I feel like my heart pounding like it's going to explode. All of a sudden I've become so gentle, and I feel like holding her all time.

I just cannot stand being away from her. JB to KL seems to be very near. I would do anything just to go up to KL to see her. My life has been great. I would do anything to cherish it. I do think that the positive-negative charges were greatly bonded between us. I must admit I'm way stronger than whom I used to be. The love is so unconditional. The positive and negative charges keep exchanging like the busiest port in the world. We were so in love. We're so honestly, deeply and sweetly in love.

Well life is like that. Being the best is not always easy. Tell me how hard to be the number one instead of just being the second? I've made some misjudgement and they kill. Obstacles of her being disliked by my parents is haunting me and her.

I am a believer! You see, all the good things in this world, even KLCC, the Penang Bridge, the pyramids and whatever the wonders in this world are not easy as when we see it exists. How many have died to build up pyramid? How much the government had spend to build up KLCC that has raised the general opinion that it is a bad idea? How bad it was when the government had to face all the critiques when the Penang Bridge is about to be launched.

Now, not to mention how many couples in this world had gone through obstacles, even it would involves their life just to get together? There even people from different races, different religions, different countries and not to mention different continents who managed to get together.

No doubt, this strong feeling of me into this relationship has made me stronger day by day and I have never been in such state ever in my life. I understand that these OBSTACLES has made her a little disgrace and depressed, but I see it as just a spice of life that me and her would face it in patience. I used to tell my sister, who faced the same problem that this is just a small problem.

Same goes to me. I knew my parents very well. Despite how hard they tried to stop me from doing a lot of things in my life, I've always made it. I know there are always opportunities and chances. I used to survived much worse than this. Why should I be afraid as I'm doing for myself, for the love....

All this while, the positive-negative charges were always exchanging. I used to carry a lot of it, and I used to carry none. With my previous ex-fiance, the charges keep on exchanging but once we broke up, I have none left. With this one, the charges were not only exchanging, it's growing. The charges were so much until anything happened, I would just be sitting fine. A few heart-breaks wouldn't effect me so much. I'm strong enough to face just anything, name it. I would do anything for it, for the love. The charges are so well balance till i think I would be ready to face whatever consequences that will come in our way, or my way.

So, for the love...

No matter what happened, she's the best thing of mine. A thought of her in my mind is rejuvenating. Whatever it is, I want to fight. Maybe someday, just like the story of romeo and juliet, uda and dara, my name would be sketched among those who fought for the love of their life.

"One hard and stressful day with someone we love is a lot much better than living conditionally happy with someone we don't love for 100 years."

Don't you think so?

And let me have some'time' away as I need them to help me to define and rejuvenate.

No comments:

Sponsor Links

Free Iphone?
Or Free Ipad?
Learn how to get free gadgets

Want to make money from Iphone/Ipad apps?
Affiliate yourself with apps developer to make money

Search Optimize your website
and win free gadget?
SEO Marketing