August 30, 2005

If u think that u're so unlucky enough....

In my life, I've always been telling myself, if i'm unlucky enuff, there are more people who are much more unlucky that I am.

Let's take a look at this blog..

Tina Zuriana's Blog

So i'm still doing fine, how broke I am, comparing myself to her.

But I've never forgotten to actually compare myself with someone with better life to make my life better. You should too.

Along my life, I've been knowing and being closed to those people with such family problems. Just like tonite, I went out with a girl, at 2.00 am just to tell me her father had a physical fight last night, as it was so horrible when someone started to bleed and she had to call for help from the neighbouring folks.

I felt sorry for her, but imagine u in her shoes. How are you going to face the community if people around u know what is going on in her house. But she's still doing ok. She had been strong for the past 22 years of her life. She was even raped by her uncle. Her uncle even brought his friend to 'share' her. They even raped her 'from behind'. Even the small kids around whispered 'tight ass' when seeing her around.

How do I live with such a situation?

As the community is getting lesser in moral, there are actually people gets annoyed and being the disadvantaged person from all of this. I'm so thankful to be having such a good family, and no matter how bad my father would act based on her irrationality, i'm stil thankful that he's still around.

Imagine one day your father passed away and later u realised that you have nothing to please her.

Now I really appreciate whatever things he had for me. He actually wanted the best for my life. Even though sometimes I really have to sacrifice, I even have to forgot my own pleasing time, as long as it will please my father, that's the best thing ever happen to me.

He had done so much. How am I going to repay? Other father won't simply do that. Some of them were even created a bigger burden to the children. Not my father. He won't give the word 'hardship' a chance to visit one of his children's life.

I used to have a girlfriend, when I was still schooling, which her parents divorced. She was in dilemma as the father's family is of the richer family while her mom is a nurse who lives a normal employee life. There's always been a big pulls of she and her sister as to which family they should reside.

Then, a friend who his father is a drug addict. He was nearly murdered as his father asked for money from him. He had done nothing wrong in his life, but his father treated him in such a way.

And think about those people in Palestin, Iraq, Chechnya, Bosnia...

They lives much harder than whoever of those people who think that they're so unlucky to have a bad life.

So dear Abby, and Tina, if you read this, please be thankful that how hard it is, they are people who live the harder life than you guys do.

* God will not change the destiny of the people unless they did it for themselves

August 29, 2005

Post Weekend Blog...

Whut can I say about the last weekend was..


Then Saturday, me and the whole group of people went to a place name Bukit Jalur in the border of Negeri Sembilan/Melaka, where the engagement ceremony of my cousin will be held.

At first, we get ready, mentally as they previously mentioned that they would require us to follow their 'Adat', which is a human-created culture, created by the Minang people from Indonesia.

I was there, sitting among the old folks of my family; from my Father, my Pak Ungga and Pak Long. My Pak Long was the spokeperson for our family. I was waiting for something, or anything that has got to do with adat.

The fact, there's nothing like adat there. The whole thing was so confusing. The events was not proper, and not also in a proper order as other engagement ceremony that I've attend and get involved in. It's a total of 4 engagements i've get involved in and this is the worst so far I've seen after my brother's engagement, if I want to put them in rank. The first should be mine of course hehe...

So as nothing special, even the doa was recited by my father, which in normal course, the bride side will recite the doa. Then, lunch and time to get back home at Kampung.

After a while in kampung, we then get back to Seremban. Just me & my father, drouve together to Seremban, took bath, dressed up and drive up to KL to meet Bob.

At Bob's house, we discussed about a lotsa things. It's my network 21 business. He's a real stubborn fella. He made a lotsa excuses. I just don't understand, i this matter we are actually trying to help him but why he is so refused to be helped?

He even made a situation where what if one day the manufacturer is being bombed by the Iraqi's people. As Bob is doing his Coconut plantation, shich is not yet showing any result, I asked him what if the waves or tsunami hit your plantation, as his plantation is just by the sea side.

Then we continue our discussion to a restaurant in Ampang. It's a nice Mid-east restaurant which offers mostly kebab and sandwich cuisines. I've forgotten the name but I can't forget what happened there..

As we arrived, I noticed a familiar face, even Bob also noticed 'her'. But it would still be fine as my stomach is empty and need to be filled in. For the first time also, my father tried sisha, and it's with the apple taste.

I think that Bob was just can't get hold of herself and went to the 'girl's' table and say hi. He invited her and her friend to sit at our table but they refused at first.

After the only male at their table left, they joined us. You might have heard of Serena, the daughter of Chef Wan? Yes, she is a hell of a pretty girl. Really pretty I tell you.

So, without wasting a lot of our time, my father has started his marketing talks about the life, travelling, and the best part is when there's an ability to be doing nothing at home and your money is still in.

Serena was positive and very keen about the idea.

I take it as a success, she is happy to sign in and she might be going to the Weekend Leadership Seminar with us.


August 27, 2005

If i could, I would like to......

If I could, I would like to write everything about what's happening in my life here.

But when there are so many things to be written, I'm stucked as I don't know where to start, a state that really shows how disorganised person I am.

There are so many things to be written as there so many things happened too. I tried to have a job but I don't think I can work anymore. I was about to get involved in a manufacturing business, as to continue with my previous business but I really don't think it will suit me well. I can't see anything that I can help with, other than just sit and watching people doing their work.

I even tried to disappear during the worktime, and I'm now trying hard to make them believe that I'm not a good partner, in a sense that I'm not actually interested to be working together with them.

But they still insisted me to go to the office. Just can't get it.

My last resort, I ran away from the office on the Last Thursday. I told them I'm not coming because the night before I was helping my father's friend to do their paperwork. They get upset and asked me to come to the office as soon as possible.

I just ran away, and didn't answer their calls. I hope that works and they won't ask me to work with them anymore.

I'm a person who is so unable to say 'NO'.


My Mom's Birthday

As I was doing nothing at home, everything come and goes just like that. My mom's birthday was on the 17th August, and I've forgotten to mention about it here.

Happy birthday Mak!


Malaysian Idol

Malaysian Idol this week. Nita, as one of the favourite sang badly tonight. Applauses to Faizull, he sang my favourite evergreen song, Don't Cry by Guns. So funny, he has not been able to pronounce the words properly but as I can say, the quality of the contestants this year has dropped a lot, comapred to the previous competition.

Hope faizull will make it. I'm not that really keen to watch Malaysian Idol anymore. It has become another version of Akademi Fantasia.

But maybe I've a theory about why Nita saeng badly. SHE INTENTIONALLY did that as a protest of the elimination of Xerra. Another theory is, maybe she found that people will not vote for her when she sang nicely as people will think she'll be in a safe side but if she sing badly, people will start to vote her to save her from being eliminated.

I don't know, but it might be what was on her mind. I would do the same too, by looking at the voting patterns. But still this week's worst is NITA.


My cousin's engagement

This week, I'm again in seremban and this time my cousin is about to get engaged. Earlier today the whole family went to my kampung for a feast, in conjunction of the engagement ceremony tomorrow.

And i've just paid all my bills today. Yesterday was quite another meaningful day for me.

August 23, 2005

A dream with story...

Is life emotional? What about life in dreams. How does dream sometime be mistaken like true?

Last nite i went to bed accidentally, after playing with my handphones, and my contact lenses intact. Then, I woke up again at 4 something and remove my contact lenses and get back to sleep again. While asleep, the body was so itchy. I looked around, yeah, the window was not properly closed. As I'm so sleepy, rather than get my ass of the bed, it's much easier to pull the blanket and proceed with my sleep. Then my touching and memorable dream started...

It was in a season where a lot of people died of the weather. The plants were dangerously edible, a result from acid rains so can u imagine the critical life of the wildlife, no matter where they are, in a forest, desert or sea?

I was travelling in a Proton Saga, driven by Suji, a friend from my school time. It was raining, the weather was mild and a lil bit hazy. The journey was long enough that me and my friend had a long chat along the way will we reach this a very welcoming non-developed old placement where people have nothing than just themselves, so not connected to the outside world. No connecting roads and we've to be there by walking through forests that took us a few days. Don't mention about radio, TV or the Internet!

As we reached there, a few of my other friends were also there. I did notice that my good friends from school, Yasin, Fizam, Adznan were there too. We shaked hands and hug each other as it was so long without seeing each other.

The reason why we were sent to this place was nothing than to help the people living in this placement by sending them the supplies of food and to get them back to a safer place. Not so many people there but obviously there are in a state of poverty. The reason why we cannot come by plane and just drop the supplies was the place is full of sky reaching mountains and we're not taking the risk of flying through the haze.

9 of us then, headed to the place of the placement lead person's house, which is a she. The peope there speak Malay, even though they speak in a way that we hardly understand, it's a relief, rather than to listen to an alien language. I remembered a story about 'hooga', a word replacement for an execution in a tribe placement. Anyone recalled that story?

Here comes the sorrowful and pathetic part of the dream. The people there are so poor, they even have completely nothing to eat. There are so many sick people, with weird diseases. There were all asked to gather in a place to make it easier for us to reach them and treat them.

It become obvious when we didn't hear any crying babies or small kids in that placement. Where are they?

We've treated them well, feed them and just let them rest in the temporary clinic we've set up earlier.

Then now it's time to get these people on feet and take them back with us. The leader did not aware of this intention earlier and she refused!

Then a little argument sparks between her and the rest of the rescue team. She even crying, protecting her decision not to leave the placement. We were whispering among us wondering why she was so stubborn, as we can see nothing that will stop her from doing so.

Later she asked us to follow her to the backside of her house. She lead us to a small house and asked us to open the door and see it by ourselves.

I stepped forward (as usual the hero should be me) and opened the door. Slowly i dip my head in and I was so surprised that there are so many kids inside. Without wait, I broke the door and asked all the others to help me took those kids out.

The placement leader stopped us doing that by simply asked her weaponed men to surround us and aimed their weapon to us. We quit and stand still. The kids come out by themselves and looked at us, terribly poor, hungry and sick.

The leader speaks, "I keep these kids to prevent them from being infected by diseases and to avoid them eating dangerous things they found anywhere. But we're not leaving this placement"

Then one by one of us started to argue things with her. The leader, which i think she does look like Rafidah Aziz, still on her decision to stay and die together with everybody.

Then suddenly, Fizam asked for a voice and said,

"I've a baby child, she looks exactly like that child. She suffered of a weird disease..", he staggered and he started to cry..

"... and she dies because I can do nothing about it. The doctors had no clue and she died as a result of nothing can be done. If i do that again, i'll terribly feel sad and bad about it, even more than how i feel when i lost my baby.."

Fizam is now a responsible father, compared to his playful young age.

I can't take it as my tears all went down fast. Suji hugged me as I can feel his warm tears running over my neck. Omen hugged us...........


Suddenly my mom woke me up for morning prayers. I was dizzy but slowly a tear running down my cheek. I touched my neck and it's wet of tears as well..

What was that....?

August 21, 2005

A unexpected touching moment of Malaysian Idol..

Oh yeah, my blog has been visited more than 40 thousand times already.

The unexpecteds are truly unexpected.

I didn't expect Ash to stay long, as I expected Ejay to leave early and she did. But Ash stayed and pursuing to the next level.

Unexpectedly, Faizul did very bad on the last Friday Spectaculars. He did cried and even Roslan had badly commented on him.

I've never expected that Faizull and Ash would be in the safe zone, as all four male contestants are voted in the top 4 out of 7 contestants.

Obviously, why should I expect the 3 ladies to be voted at the bottom threem especially Nita, who I guess did very well especially this week. So goes Farah and Xerra.

When the 3 ladies were asked to stand for being the bottom three, I prayed that let Farah be the one to leave the competition even my mouth is mentioning Xerra is to leave as I feel so confident that Xerra will leave.

Unexpected by long time ago... Xerra was announced to leave the show...

The Akademi Fantasia sentiments of voting has infected Malaysian Idol. The sentiment to save people they like, instead of voting the person who is performing very well, who deserved to proceed to the next level.

I thought Xerra was strong to face her elimination, but she wasn't. She did cry when she sang for the last time. It's even more pain to the heart when Faizull come forward trying to console Xerra with tears falling down his cheek. Then come Nita.

And I thought I was strong... haha..

August 20, 2005

Thanks but no thanks...

What does it mean by that?

Thanks, but no, thanks? (refusing)


Thank, but no thanks? (denying the thanking behaviour)

hahaha, just something for yout to think about. Come on guys, make ur brain work at once a week by reading my blog and think about nonsense i proposed here..

My main intention is today, to get some feedback from you guys.

Can someone update me with Malaysian Idols Spectaculars last nite?

And do u know Afdlin Shauki?

And if u do, do u know that Afdlin Shauki has released an Album with the title "FUUYO"

And if u do know, have u seen it in the CD stores around?

If u're not, please go to Afdlin Shauki's Blog and read how you can obtain a copy of Afdlin Shauki's album.

Please support our local artist and do not make copies. Don't support all those pirates who are taking advatnages of other people's efforts!

And thanx to julie for introducing Afdlin's blog to me. I really appreciate it. And u're always my gf

-Fan of Afdlin Shauki no.8-

August 15, 2005

JB at 0355 hours :: I'm in dilemma...

Still awake and unable to get to sleep.

At the time of most of the people hardly getting a job, I am flooded with job offers, including two from the UK.

What should I do?

I'm standing in the middle of a life junction. A junction of a lot of way to be chosen.

As my previous business was about to reach to a failure due to miscommunications, (and it still happened tonite), for the past 2 months, I've been worrying of myself for not getting any income till it caused me to delay in paying my loans. Even my credit cards.

So, I've commited myself to another effort to make money of course. Even though it hasn't made any money yet, I believe that this another business will work just fine.

Besides all that, 2 companies from UK called me all the way from London to ask me to work with them. Not to mention some companies in Malaysia, even Motorola called me for a senior position. The UK companies assured me of getting the work permit (even i don't think they will actually succeed).

Why now?

Furthermore, I'm running a supplying project that really a fast money maker. It has started this month and I'm gonna breathe easily for the next maybe 2-3 years.

And as I don't believe myself, I started to get involve actively in Network 21 thingy which would also involve me to comsume or to sell Amway products. I've met some successful people and this would enable to me to generate a passive income. This would be really helpful if I want to retire early. I find that this business is really amusing.

But really deep down inside, I'm still fancy to work. Working in IT is actually the best thing I can do for myself. And working won't actually stop me from doing the network 21 business and the log supplying business. I think Ogy was right. I maybe born to work in IT as that's really what I love to do. Get dirty with the programming codes is what i'm supposed to be doing.

I missed working. I mean working in IT. Doing business sometimes doesn't really make sense to myself. Even though i think that i will succeed in doing business, or even i can have the work and money freedom, I would still be longing to work in the IT field.

Right now, I'm just a homie person spending most of my time watching TV. No GF, even no friends in JB made it worse. At least if I've a gf, my life would be so much different then. I would have someone to call on the phone, to argue, to get angry, to miss, to cuddle, to what ever. I missed all that.

I'm missing a lot of things in my life. I used to be playing music, go jamming, singing. Now, no more. Maybe i'll go to karaoke in that small box, but it's different from singing in a playing band.

I used to go golfing. Even i hate going to Hard Rock for the people, i miss going there too. It's more towards seeing friends over there. Watching the live bands.

How I wish, I could spend my time with all those things I love to do rather than watching TV.

And to make it worse, more job offers coming in, not only to work in the IT, but also it came from the partners of the business that was about to come to a failure.

Last nite, I went to see them and i was highlighted with some mistakes that I did, which was accidentally happened, unexpected or unawared. I have to admit myself that, I may not be suitable to do all those things they require as I'm so use to work as a programmer, doing things my way, as I always took short cuts to make life much easier.

It's not working with doing business. But they were about to have me back to help them with a new project. I was myself confused as if I did a lot of mistakes, I think they should do the right thing by take me off the team rather then taking me back.

My mistakes are just small mistakes that would not fail the business, but it was treated as such a big deal. I can accept my mistakes, but I don't get it when they still want me to be in the team,

when i've already started to do other things. We've been not communicating for quite sometimes, and i thought that they've already put me off the team, as everything was unable to move and they keep quiet for the past 2 months.

I'm in a junction now. To make it even much worse, I've got a very lucrative job offer which about to pay me RM7k a month.

my options

1. to stay with my previous business team who failed but now made a comeback by involving big gun investors, grow up with them till to be getting listed, while still be doing the logs supply thing and network-21 amway activities.

2. accept the job offers in UK, but not to able to continue my logs supply project, but still would be able to proceed with my network 21 amway activities.

3. accept the local job offers and continue the logs supply project together with the network-21 amway activities.

4. stick with my current project, which this company will have a bright future to get logging areas, to be getting govt. projects as this company has a lot of political connections, and get myself into the business of writing as it will become a forest consultancy company, and i myself love writing, and can still proceed with my log supply project and network-21 amway activities.

help :: which one should i pick?

How I wish i have a girlfriend right now so I can ask her opinion on this. Because however, even though how hard i will fight for what i want, in the end, it will be the preference of whom i love so. It happened so many many times, and that simply tells why.

That'll surely make my life much easier for me. Have someone to help me on making choices and then would still be able to make someone happy.


* anyway, ejay from sabah was eliminated from Malaysian Idol tonite. WHAT A RELIEF!!!

August 13, 2005


For the whole last week, I've been doing nothing except a ride on a big ferry, from Danga Bay towards Tambak Johor, Back and forth. It took me 2 and a hlaf hours on it.

I was supposed to be having a dinner meeting with a business colleague, which he is then supposed to be having a dinner function on that boat I was mentioning.

So, 'Right-Handed' (langkah kanan is Malay) I was invited to the boat, being a special guest as both of us were taken to the boat by a speed boat. So special we were that we were about to fall into the sea as another boat was pirate-alike boat rode around us very fast.

On the boat, I don't really enjoyed the buffet. My mom insisted me to have dinner at home first. Not really a waste as the food there were not as good as they look. Then we went up for a transvestite show. Boring. And then went back home.

The best thing was, the business discussion only last for 5 minutes, There's nothing actually to be discussed.

So the rest of the whole week, i assume nothing happened because I've forgotten what happened. But as usual, I would stay at home to watch TV.

Who did watch RUBY on TV3? Pasion de Gavilanes on Astro PRIMA? Don't be surprised i followed both stories now. I did watch Soledad's ending as well.

And the tenant for our new house left the house on last Thursday. I went there to clean up the house before leaving to Seremban at night, and drove to Perak the next day. Wasted my whole saturday in seremban and went back to JB on Sunday.

Monday, we started to move things to the new house using my car and my father's. Tuesday was the big day, we moved everything. Wednesday & thursday, busy unpacking things off the box and set the arrangement for the new home.

Everything has been unpacked except for my things. I told my mom later but actually, I'm so lazy to do so...

August 12, 2005

Been busy

Hi guys...

I'm so sorry for not updating this blog for so long. I've been busy helping my parents moving out from the previous condo apartment house to a terrace house, in Bandar Baru Uda, JB.

Anyway, thanks for your support. I've just to be able to get online today. There's a lot waiting. I've a lot to tell.

And congrats to Mawi for winning the AF3 recently. I'll now concentrate on Malaysian Idol. One of my favourite contestant, Azam was also being eliminated from the competition by the irresponsible malaysian voters. Haha.. Not to blame them, but i think Roslan Aziz will definitely agree with what i'm saying.

Okie dokies.. see ya guys soon later.

Take care.

* a lot of hugs *

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