I'm so afraid of losing...

For god sake, I cried for almost half an hour this morning.

Almost 6 years ago, I used to sit by their pond and tell them the sad story of my life. Them, that usually active and agile would eventually swim still like they're listening to me. I did that for almost everyday for 2-3 weeks before i think I'm ready to go out and see people again.

They've been my sweetheart for the last 6 years. If they are human, I would have been sending them to the kindergarden by now.

Yesterday, I went to feed those Carps but it seems that they're not interested at all. I was wondering maybe my uncle who live just nearby and the caretaker of the home would have fed them. It's quite weird as normally they would still eat.

They would just ignoring me, facing the wall. I'm quite sad with that as they would never do that. They would still eat the food as long we fed them.

Last night, I can't sleep. Eventhough how tired I am, I'm so amazed that I can't put my eyes to sleep so that I keep awake and played around with my guitar and the newly purchased Zoom effect. Me, who never scared of any kind of ghost felt something weird was surrounding me last night.

Well, I went to sleep at 5.

As I woke up late to get to the workplace, at a sudden, I felt like seeing those sweetheart before going out.

Oh my God! What's happening? What had happening to all my beloved Carps?

I panicked and started to call everyone that I think I should.

Then I just sat there wiping my tears.

They've been there for 6 years. Like i said, if they're my human children, i would be busy sending them to school right now.

I pick them up one by one. I carefully put them into the black garbage bag to be buried. I plan to bury them in my father's orchard.

Look at these 2 carps. They were always seen together. Even dying also, they were still together (the picture above).

I put them side to side and take their picture for the last time. Of course, I can't do that while they're still alive...

Finally, I managed to pick up all 12-13 of them and put them into the black garbage bag.

Up to my surprise, I also found this dead lizard in the pond. Now i'm curious. What was actually going on?

Don't play play! I even called a machine to bury them. Those two workers I made them to sing Negaraku to pay their last respect to the fishes.

Here you go. With hugs and tears..

Now they're gone....