January 9, 2007


Classification :: Memories

Sometimes, teringat jugak bebenda bodoh yang menjadi bahan lawak dan ketawa di kampung, especially bila gather beramai2 dengan ahli-ahli keluarga yang lain seperti sepupu, dua pupu, nenek, makcik-makcik, pakcik-pakcik dan yang sebagai dengannya.

It's much worse when I gathered with my ex-school mates or my ex-college mates. A lot of stupid and funny things to remember, depending on how naughty you were. I would classify myself as a classic 'Mr. Guardian yang berlagak baik padahal setan pun takut nak sebut nama gua beb'.

Sama je. Kat rumah atau kat sekolah. I'm an angel when I'm within the older folks, teachers, makcik kantin, ustadz. Siap jadik Imam lagi. At that time, I don't know what was going on in my head. Aku suka jadi imam sebab aku boleh cepatkan sembahyang. Kalau Ustadz jadik imam means it's a hell 30 minutes of our time sitting in the surau for nothing. If I be the Imam, in the next 7 minutes, we can already go for dinner.

Tapi bila mak bapak takde, atau orang2 tua ni takde, akulah setan berekor kat depan yang ekornya tersorok kat dalam seluar. Yela, sape pulak nak keluarkan dari seluar except if you need to. Yelah, nak kencing ke, nak berak ke. Eh apa kaitan pulak dengan berak nih?

Takde kaitan. Saje je.

There was a lot of mouth-brought funny stories about solat. One of the classic was the Imam who managed to do the takbiratul-ihram only once instead, comparing to the actual Imam who got problem to get khusyu' and takbir for so many stupid times, but just after doing the takbiratul ihram, he turned back and say,

"Tengok aku buat. Sekali aje!"

Another classic was this one guy, Andy, who was just converted to Islam but didn't know how to do the solat, went into the mosque and get assistance from an Imam to guide him. As it's already the time to do the Asar Solat, the Imam asked him to just follow whatever The Imam is doing in the solat. And luckily, there's no one else there.

It went well in the first rakaat, but as it gets to the 2nd rakaat, Imam tu dah gelabah. Apa tak nya Lipas dah masuk dalam kain. Dia kibas-kibas kain, Andy pun kibas-kibas seluar. Imam libas kaki, andy pun libas kaki. Imam kibas-kibas baju, Andy pun start pelik. Apa punya sembahyang ni?

So imagine when the cockroach gets into his anus. Hahahahah!

But Andy stays a muslim if u wanna know.

Have u heard about this one stubborn very young boy with his father who likes to stare? Everytime the boy did a mistake, the father will stare so that the boy will do something to correct the mistake.

One day, they went to the mosque and to solat. You know, most of the people do the solat without wearing the underwear so sometimes, after they get up from Ruku' or Sujud, nanti kain tu terlipat masuk kat celah bontot.

So that was what actually happened. The boy who was praying beside the father noticed it and he thinks that the Imam must be very uncomfortable about it. So he stepped forward and slowly pulled the sarong from below.

As he stepped back, he looked at his father. The father was fiercely staring at him, like he was saying, "Oi, apa kau buat tu, Betulkan balik...!!!!!"

So budak tu pun tanpa berfikir panjang, dia pun pegi balik kat Imam tu dan masukkan kain tu balik dalam lubang bontot pak imam tu....

Apa jadik? Lu fikir sendiri la..

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