August 13, 2004

AF Fever and dilemma of making a decision...

AF Fever can be felt just anywhere in KL. Not just on TV but also in clubs and bars.

Last nite I went to Fuzions Sports Bar in KL, to actually participate in the Karaoke Contest. There are people coming and registering till last minute and people would still want to register themselves. I was putting no hope and joining this contest just for fun. I know I can't overcome this nervous sickness i've been suffering all this while..

Just before Erein, Kak Sid and McNa came over, I've got a call from my father telling me that my sister is heavily sick, and would be asking me to join him fetching her from Kajang. I was in dilemma. The contest is about to be starting in just a few minutes.. and I decided to stay.. and my father went there alone..

Dilemma :: I keep asking myself, am I doing a right decision or I'm just being selfish.. I've been doing a lot of unselfish decision; which has gotta do with my family.. but this time I've been preparing myself for this for quite sometimes.. I was in a real mess last nite.. just before that I was nervous waiting for my name to be called but then I was in a mess and looking sad for my decision..

Singing :: I sang badly.. I think.. My mind was still boggling about my decision.. on stage, i was just singing without seeing the audiances.. I don;t know what am i doing up there... but all other contestants were saying that I was marvellous, but i was just singing Hero - Enrique Iglesias.. a song without any vocal manipulation.. I don't really like the song, but i would want to save for the last.. but it's really this time i really hope that I won't qualify..

I'm not qualified :: While waiting there.. i was wondering how is my sister doing.. not dare to call as my father was with her as well.. and what the heck am i doing for not helping my sister... but just for this once.. and i hope this would be the last.. Erein and Kak Sid keep asking me how am I doing, i was pretending to be okay.. it's not abt her that worry me, it's about the decision... and when the result for the semi-finals qualifiers was annouced, i really thank god for not being annouced to be qualified.. I know.. it's much more mess if I'm qualified..

Decisions :: I've been doing a lot decision lately.. The decision made it's not about it's credibility.. it's more towards how selfish I should be.. I don't care about the credibility of my decision.. I even have to think of my job sometimes... my boss... my friends.. and most of it.. i will just let them to have they want or what they should have.. I don't want to be selfish where later i would regret for being such a selfish jerk.

Can't sleep :: I didn't sleep last nite.. I did wonder.. how my sister was doing hope she's okay.. she started to be having her fever since tuesday.. and why didn't she called me since then.. well then my thoughts were mingling amongst things in the office, the AF2 student.. at last, got a message from Fiza at 6.30 and i called her.. talked for a while.. and i suddenly felt sleepy.. may be i would actually need someone to talk to and then I would be okay..

AF? :: It was a sad mode today.. everyone was like expressing their sadness for the AF2 that's gonna end tomorrow.. that's how Malaysian.. getting emotional for things that has nothing to do with them.. sadly, me too.. haha.. But for me it's not for them, it's for the fun of having the AF2 event around.. gathering with either family or friends on the weekend nite to watch AF2. But if I'm inside AF of course I'll be very sad.. it's the chance of a lifetime...being around with friends for quite a long time (3 months).. I used to be in a group of theatre group.. once it's done.. I felt so belonged to the group and wouldnt' want to let it all ends just like that..

Sad mode :: Yeah.. sad mode.. for everything..

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