December 23, 2005

A beast monster that is confused!

Ahha.. at last i've got something to write about. I've been writing this without having a title for it.

And only tonite i realized that i'm still very disturbed once my father scold me. Just now i was jokingly trying to step on Farah's tummy but my father stopped me and in a very angry tone he told me that I'm actually teaching her to be disrespecting people.

I'm kinda disagree, and in a very low tone i told my father, it's nothing and i leave, took bath and actually thought of it as a good start for me to write the entry for today! I was so free but i wasn't in journaling mode until just now. Haha!


Monster Mode

It's been a few weeks since i've been in this monstrous mode. Why? I'm craving to munch on anything, most of the time. I have a serious problem of big tummy. My weight has reached 70kg recently and I just can't stop myself from eat and eat and eat.

I can hardly fit into most of my pants. The size of my tummy has become so obvious even an auntie who has been not seeing me for quite sometimes noticed me being a lil bit chubby.

Should I blame my mom for cooking good food that I cannot resist? I admit that I'm a lil bit happier this last few weeks for over certain things but does that count? I admit also that I will eat a lot when I'm happy! Gosh! There's a lot of contributing factors.

The only thing that I don't wanna admit is that, it's me that caused me to gain a lot of weight. My eating habit and a lot of other things.

Used to be this fat when I was a lot happier.


Soborrhea of Scalp

I'm having a very serious scalp problem, as it's known as Soborrhea of scalp, a problem that is genetically inherited, that comes out of the blood, that will cause the scalp to be drying and producing a lot of dandruffs.

It's kinda irritating but there's nothing i can really do to stop it. The solution provided was to slow down the rate of the drying skin accordingly.

I was thinking to clean shave my head but, my mom especially will hate me if I do that. I'm suffering a lot with the itchy head and everything.

How i wish i can peel off the skin/scalp and live happily without the scalp skin. Arghh!!


Matters that confused me..

Before I'm proceeding with this post, I would love to quote a quote from Sharida's Blog,

"Good or Bad, Hard to say"

When it comes to the turn for me to jot my thoughts on this matter, I'm really already sleepy.

Well, it's just as simple as this. Imagine you go out with someone, either it would be a BF or GF, or just a companion, a BF/GF to be or whatsoever, asking your opinion on going out with someone else.

My ex once asked me how would I feel if she go out with someone else, I told her that I'll be fine because i really trust her so I believe there's nothing will happen. I know she's the kind of loyal type, and she's the kind of won't be looking for trouble girl, which saves me a lot of hassles but then she came up with this trap question,

"Are you saying it's okay because you wanna go out with someone else too?"

I was trapped, confused and deadlocked!

Someone had just came out with the same question which I answered that I'll be fine, I won't be jealous because it's just not me. She insisted with the idea that some people would say there would be a lil need of the jealousy, while rephrasing the whole thing that should sound something like this,

"What if you're going out with someone, both of you are quite close to each other, but suddenly she asked your opinion on going out with someone else, who are very good looking, very macho, and know what does it take to make a girl feel good, and that someone may end up being with him, what would you feel and do?"

I GULPed! This is the most heartbreaking thing will ever happened to me though, but being me, I would say that it's still okay, because the initial idea was just to go out together, me insisting on the idea of 'ONLY GOING OUT', that is still fine with me, because, hei, I'm pretty good at trusting people eh?

But if she will still end up with him, i'm admitting that, that would be the most heartbreaking thing will ever happen to me, but it's still good though, at least i know that she went with someone else, rather than leaving me for nothing (yeah I'm kinda 'a loser' sometimes hehe), and i cannot do anything about it as feeling is something you cannot force. I used to do something last time but it's useless as then I learnt that 'We cannot force feeling'

Well, again she regarded that as being irresponsible as I will just let it go, just like that. Hmm, that's wrong as I believe that, if she loves me, she won't do such thing.


And if she doesn't love me, why should I wait for her any longer? Hehehe.

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