October 5, 2004

questions.. questions..

Had a long talk with Asha over the phone last nite. For an average looking person like me, going out with Asha will be something like a dream come true. I don't know, but I don't think it's really a good idea. A pretty indian, how I wish but I just don't knoe.

She told me she had find out about this blog. I was just laughing. I thought she's gonna get mad with me but instead she's happy because I talk about her sometimes. Yeah, no one around me knows her so I can talk anything about her.. But from now on, I've gotta be more careful with what I'm trying to say about her. She wanted to some over to my house last nite but I refused by saying I'd prefer looking at the cars passing by from a taxi stop.. hahahaha.. in fact, I did it..

Yesterday is quite a boring day. I was happy during the whole day (for a quite specific reason hehe), but deep inside my heart was screaming to get back home early. Sometimes, I was thinking that I was messed up, but most of the time I don't feel okay, still for no reason.

5.30, i headed home, as Abu is so kind to send me back. Otherwise I would be walking back home. Laying on the bed as early as 6.45 in the evening, causing memories to visit my mind over and over again. I missed all my friends. I missed Tasha, Ailin, Asha and NJ. I missed my car. How I wish i have my car (and of course with some money since I'm totally broke right now) with me, so I can drive around, looking at the sunset scenery, as I used to do with my beloved sweetheart. I missed all that. But i was just lying on my bed, holding my handphone waiting for calls or SMS from anyone.

Asha then called, as mentioned earlier, and what intrigued me was the things she raised..

"Is it Tasha?"

I don't know how to answer it. I kept quiet on that question. For me, Tasha is pretty, i like her, but I'm not sure whether she likes me or not, even though I'm the first person to give her roses, and it was white roses, the roses she longed for long enough to be given by her admired one, but I'm pretty sure, I'm not the one she expected to give her the flowers. And, one more thing, THERE'S NO CHEMISTRY BETWEEN US. I hope this will answer u well Asha, as I know myself well, I can't say it but I can write it down so u may better understand.

"Why do u choose to be a single, as all the guy at your age at least have a gf, or you may choose to have more than one!"

She sounded mad but again, I switched the topic, saying that I was just remembered about the soccer match tomorrow (today). And it's not about making option in life. I left the option opened. Not for anyone. I myself wouldn't knoe (sigh). I don't like to be single. I missed the time being together with the loved ones. But it's just not there. Love is not something that can be forced, or hoping that it would be there without any move.

I asked her for reasons why she actually admired me, which i think not so worth for her. Funny thing was, she was telling me that I'M CUTE. I vomitted a big laugh! And everything about me is CUTE. The way i handle thing was cute. My kewlness was cute. But i keep telling her that means I'm ugly and she laughed. "Yes, you are adorable and irresistable"

I was getting confused at this stage.


for some people they chose to use cuntfused. hehe..

The maghrib azan was then being announced. I quit the conversation and promised her that I'll be going out with her later.

At nite then, I sat @ the taxi stand and start counting. Heard a few couple walking behind me towards my condo. Some of them are just nice to each other. Some were even talking dirty. But got this one couple who I think love each other but they conversate in a manner which is ridiculously funny.

Later @ nite, I have fights with myself on my bed. I had sweet (or maybe bad) dreams about myself holding my very loved ones who is sick, leaning to each other while looking at the sunset. I wasn't trying to look at her face at all. I still wonder who she is.......

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